Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities Audiobook (Free)

Hi. In the hands, right now, you possess the culmination of a large number of years of individual intelligence, ingenuity, and brilliance. Now put your goddamn phone down and focus on my book.

What is in my own book, you ask? (I’m actually glad you asked, by the way, because right now I reach tell you.)

Time travel. Gay relationship. Sportsballing. Futuristic goggles that DO NOTHING.

Small brags from my publisher, stuff like: ‘This is an uproarious, uncensored take on empathy, personal responsibility, and what about Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies: On Myths, Morons, Free of charge Speech, Soccer, and Assorted Absurdities it means to be human.’

Excessive brags about myself: ‘An extraordinarily clever, punishingly funny, sharp-tongued blogosphere star, NFL player, husband and father, one-time violin prodigy, voracious lifetime reader, obsessive gamer, and fearless champion of personal freedom.’

Oh, and in addition an essay for the Pope’s Tweets account. Honestly, if that doesn’t pull you in, there’s no wish left for mankind. I also provide my very own funeral eulogy, in the event you were wishing I’d disappear completely and die right now!

So please, join me in the glorious art of windmill tilting by reading this ‘collection of rousing, uncensored personal essays, characters, and tales’ (I have simply no idea why that’s in quotations).

Sign up for the herd of Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies.

(You know you want to.)